My house is in chaos mode today. I am a person who likes order, cleanliness and everything to be in it’s place. I am a self declared Type A personality with OCD tendencies (I believe my husband would agree).
This is one of the reasons this little beauty of a site was hatched. I have struggled day in and day out trying to find my place and if I can’t find my place in mothering, in society or being a military wife then I am going to keep working at everything else and make it just so. Cue making my house look spectacular, cleaning and organizing and reorganizing. This is great and all but this gal needs a little bit more out of life because with two Tasmanians running around my house order does not reign for very long. Cue working out A LOT!! I do a bootcamp 4-5 days a week plus train for half marathons. Cue getting a part time job to, as many tell me to “get adult time”. So now I play Mommy five days a week and then I work Friday, Saturday and Sunday too. Hmmm…
Alright, I will step in right here and say yes I love both my jobs. I love being Mommy, although before 6 am love probably is not the word I am thinking as I stare longingly at the warm , unmade bed beckoning to me. I love working on the weekends. I love that I only miss out on a couple of hours of my girl’s lives because I work at night. I love the people I work with and the atmosphere. I love working out because it’s good for the mind and good for the body. I love setting goals and reaching goals. If you didn’t tally that up that’s a lot of love in this paragraph.
So what exactly is my problem?
I have been driving myself crazy (Some of which I may never be able to completely cure). I am a high energy person and I needed an outlet. I multitask so much so that as we speak I am running two loads of laundry, writing, picking up around the house, making lunch and baking Christmas cookies, which reminds me… (Okay they are only slightly browner than I wanted). I want to slow down and look around once in awhile. I want to do things that make me happy. ALL. THE. TIME. Not just some of the time. Not because I think I should be doing them. I want to do things for me and enjoy life. I am alive but I want to feel alive. I want to do more than create a life. I want to live a life, better yet I want to create a life that is worth living. I want it to leave me breathless and speechless. And even if this doesn’t happen at least I am trying.
As chaos reigns in my house and I am sitting here typing, despite the chaos, it occurs to me. That is why I started this blog. I don’t have to have it all figured out at once and the pressure I put on myself everyday is astounding. This project is something that will grow and evolve over time. I have no idea what I am doing, but that is part of the fun. Not knowing means my perfectionism has to be put on the backburner. It means I have to take the time to enjoy the process. So I will revel in the unknown and the loss of perfectionism as long as I can. I should have it all figured out by tomorrow, right? haha. Just kidding. 😉