I want to start off by saying Happy New Year! It is so hard for me to wrap my head around the fact it is 2015. I still feel like the 90’s were yesterday but alas they are not. I love that there is so much to look forward to in the New Year. There is so much promise that it holds. The feeling that anything is possible. The feeling of change looming right around the corner. I know I went completely overboard on that last statement, haha. Even so, it makes me excited just thinking about it. So in keeping with the tradition of New Years and resolutions I have a few that I am so excited to share.
After a lot of thought this last week about this blog and what the hell I am aiming to do with it I think I have finally reached some conclusions (probably not the same as a resolution but those are coming I promise). When I started this blog I was not in the best place. This last year, like many others, has had it’s highs and lows, but 2014 was probably one of the most challenging years for me. I have been battling myself in a multitude of arenas and 2014 was a hard fight for Heather vs. Heather. Seriously, did anyone else just get a mental picture of me fighting myself? Hilarious to think about. Let me start by saying that the majority of 2014 was spent with me analyzing and reanalyzing my body, yep shallow as that may seem I became a tad bit obsessed with not just eating healthy, but measuring every single thing that went into my mouth, weighing myself every day and counting calories.
A little back story for you to help you catch up to where I am now. I had always gone up and down on the scale, but lost a lot of weight in 2010 and never looked back. I ate healthy and exercised and felt good, but the further I went into my healthy lifestyle journey the more obsessed I became. The funny thing is that the more obsessed I became the more I fell off the wagon. What do I mean by that? Well in the event of full disclosure I binged and I binged hard. The more time I spent to weigh every morsel of food and count out my non-processed crackers the worse my binges became. The binges weren’t the part that hurt the most, but rather it was the emotional and mental turmoil flitting through my head the next morning. It was the mean and nasty comments that reigned in my head when I looked in the mirror.
“Why can’t you control yourself?”
The most interesting part of this whole scenario is that because I was working out and have a physically demanding job no one noticed the difference, but what was killing me was the chatter in my head and that is what I wanted to stop. I wanted to stop weighing and measuring and enjoy my veggies again (I am a vegetarian) and ultimately my life. I wanted to make peace with my soul. Crazy as it sounds I believe a lot of people want to be peaceful on the inside.
Why am I being so blunt when let’s face it you hardly know me? Well, I have always prided myself on being an advocate for being real. In our society, so much is sugar coated and made to look shiny and new when in fact it is damaged and old. I may be wrong, but I think so many of us struggle with this and we think we are alone or ashamed and we aren’t and we shouldn’t be. I am being honest because as I struggle to recover from this last year I know others are struggling too. I want you to know THAT ITS OKAY! I know that by refocusing my attention on the good and changing myself a little every day I will be able to move forward. A New Year and a New Me. Okay technically not a brand new me because there are lots of things I like about myself. It brings me full circle to the name of this blog. Just Becoming (A New) Me. See how I did that? haha.
Whew! I know that was long-winded but I had to explain and now you know. The background is how I decided where I wanted this little piece of the world to go. I want to focus on becoming me and being be-you-tiful both inside and out. I’ve stopped measuring my food and counting calories and just going by the way I feel inside. This is how the Just Becoming Me journey is starting.
So without further ado welcome to 2015 on Just Becoming Me where I focus on healthy, clean vegetarian eating, working out and running races, fixing up our first house and learning to come to peace with myself. I am so over the moon that I am aiming in a specific direction because knowing the direction of things calms my soul a little. Hooray!
My resolutions for 2015
– Enjoy the every day little things
– Run the Disney Princess Half-Marathon
– Write religiously on Just Becoming Me
– Finish some of the millions of DIY projects around the house
I am sure I will have more to add to the list later, but in the mean time I am happy with those.
What did you struggle with in 2014? What are you looking to do in 2015 that is just for you?